TOKYO GORE POLICE (trailer)

Uwe Boll Will Quit Making Movies with One Million Signatures

SLASH FILM thinks a million signatures will get Uwe Boll to stop directing crappy video game movies. I don’t believe it. Didn’t Boll already kick some critics ass in the ring a while back. Vote-on Neckbeards.

read more | digg story

WHAT DID YOU MISS?

INSIDE (trailer) Bloody Disgusting YouTube

  • This looks pretty good, but those film school nerds have gotten very good at cutting great trailers for movies that really suck. Lets hope INSIDE doesn’t end up outside at a garage sale.

OMG HORROR -The 12 Most Painful Movie Castrations Ever

71273-6.jpg  Ask any man and they’ll tell you that mutilation of the male genitalia is no laughing matter. There is no danger to the human body that men fear more than losing their member. So we thought it’d be a good idea to run a feature all about this. If nothing else, at least you’ll know what films to avoid by reading this feature.read more | digg story

20 Scariest Movies of All Time

ring.jpg EW.com  attempts to make a list of The 20 scariest movies. Too bad they make you visit 20 lame webpages to find out the list. Here is mine –

  •  #1. JAWS – Lets play a little game called swimming in the ocean at night. Wait, let me cue up the John Williams soundtrack on the boom box first.
  • #2.  THE RING – A videotape and a well. Oh shit, where did that puddle of water come from…
  • #3. THE EXORCIST – Were you Baptized?  What for? Oh thats right, your parents had you pre-exorcized just in case you were a demon from hell.
  • #4.  THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT – Hitchhiking, smoking weed, cutting off dicks, this film has got everything. If you find yourself too disturbed to maintain your sanity, then just repeat these four words – ITS ONLY A MOVIE until the medication works and you start to fall asleep, which leads to –
  • #5 A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET – If you die in your sleep, you don’t wake up. One two, Freddy’s coming for you….

REVIEW-SHUTTER (LOST IN TRANS-ASIAN)

Hollywood is running out of garbage to ripoff.  I guess if you haven’t seen the Ring, the Grudge, the Eye, Pulse, One Missed Call, Marebito, and about 11 dozen other JHorror originals and remakes then you might get into Shutter; furthermore, if you liked Lost in Translation you may like Shutter even more. <br> Its about a super cool young couple, he’s a fashion photographer, she’s really hot. Together, they fight ghosts. Seriously. They are fish out of water in Tokyo and then it really isnt very much like LIT. Maybe LIT would have been better if Murray had been a ghost, that remained in the hotel lounge after his death, and whenever people sang a certain Kareoke song, they died. Scarlet figures out the song, and uses her paranormal detective deduction skills to find the body of Murrays character under the stage, still holding the microphone. He just wanted to sing Star Wars. <br>  Forget it, that sucks, Murray would look stupid doing the reverse photography backwards walking played forewards thing, and would look even more pathetic with long straight strands of wet black hair covering his face. <br> Ok its The Ring with a camera instead of a videotape and its nowhere near as good as The Ring, its The Grudge without the “ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” Combine that with two actors that probably auditioned for parts in Scream that they didn’t get, and you end up with a movie that should have gone direct to DVD.